In this post I will be addressing an objection that I’ve seen used against the idea of waiting for love. My understanding of the Godly way to approach marital love is quite strict, and is considered ridiculous and absurd to about 97% or more people in this country. I believe in things such as not pursuing love before God gives me a clear sign. I believe that we should let God do the choosing when it comes to a wife or husband. There are other things too, and you can read “Love Unawakened” and “Love Unawakened 2” for more information. Now, on to the objection to this radical version of love in today’s world that I, and a few others, have chosen to pursue.
Is Dating A Way To Find Your Future Spouse?
I’ve heard before that dating is just a way of finding your future husband or wife. Of course, we must first define “dating.” In this case, dating refers to having a boyfriend/girlfriend (or “liking” someone who “likes” you too) and being with them to some degree. Of course, there are many different scenario possibilities in this region. The situation could be anything from two people who just like each other and have a conversation now and then, to a couple that’s very close without their parent’s permission and partakes in long un-monitored time spans alone. There’s a large field of options here, so I’m just going to try to answer the main idea of dating being “a way to find a spouse.”
Imagine what if would be like if that girl you want to date ended up being your wife? Wouldn’t that be great? Wouldn’t you feel proud that you dated her? On the other hand, what if you date her, and then realize that God didn’t intend for you to marry her? You’d have to end the relationship. You would feel horrible! You’d be weighed down with the burden of knowing that you gave someone else your affection and love before your true wife. You’d feel like you were cheating on your wife because you loved someone else before her. Now, I do believe that God CAN restore our love to its max even if we fall into a wrong relationship, but it’s never good to have that burden in your past. It’s always best to make Godly decisions NOW, and not wait until later to “get right with God.” It’s always best to let God lead you to your wife or husband rather than do it your way, love someone else now, and regret it later. Besides, don’t you think God can do a better job of choosing your spouse than you?
I do not believe that dating is a way to find a spouse in the slightest. Dating has been turned into a hobby by our culture, and that’s not the way it should be! Dating is not a hobby. If you are going to spend time having a dinner together or going to a movie with someone, then I think that someone should be your spouse. I do not think God intends for us to “try out” people by dating with them in order to find our life partner. It’s so much more serious and important than that, and we degrade the system that God designed for marriage by using it. God designed us for a spouse; ONE spouse. ONE man joined with ONE woman in a life-long covenant. So why would we go out and try to find that woman or man by ourselves? God never presents dating in the Bible. He only brings up righteous marital love when the two in love are married or going to be.
“Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.” – Genesis 2:24
Notice that there is nothing that says, “And the man shall go forth and choose the girl he desires, but if he does not like his choice, may go back and try again before sealing the marriage covenant.” It says he should hold fast to his wife. All it gives room for in this man’s life is a father, a mother, and a wife. No girlfriends are included in this equation. How does this apply to practical terms? Well, how would it be if you treated every girl like a sister? That removes the possibility of finding a girlfriend, doesn’t it? It also allows you to treat them with the respect and honor that God said we should show to a sister. But we have to end up married, right? So how does that happen? We must at some point spend time with ONE person that our parents on both sides think God might have for us. Don’t worry, God will use our parents to give us answers. If they are Christians and are prayerfully convinced that God has decided this guy or girl is the one for you, then I’d say that’s a good sign, and to go on your own judgment from there. Is this person making my walk with God better or worse? Is this person the kind of person I would want to live with for the rest of my life? Are there things about this person that I wouldn’t want reflected in all my kids someday? Do I like this person for their looks, money, personality, or interests, or do I want to have them at my side because of their genuine love for the living God who made them? Am I ready to face the challenges that marriage has? Why do I want to get married; for the short happiness of it, or for the eternal benefits? For guys: “Am I ready to feed, protect, and nurture an entire family of knights and princesses for the glory of Christ right now?” For girls: “Do I want this man to lead my household until the day I die?”
As you can probably guess right now, I believe that the first person you are going to “date” (have a serious relationship with) should be your future wife or husband. If you are not sure that this person is destined to be yours after praying, asking parents Biblical advice, and considering all the important things involved in marriage, then don’t pursue them. God’s answer to whether they are the one will come. Until then, treat them like a brother or sister in Christ.
So, is dating a way to find a spouse? No. But I believe that after confirming that the “certain someone” is “the one,” dating is a way to enjoy that person and for them to enjoy you if used correctly. If you are blessed to have a person in your life that you know in 100% certainty is your future spouse, then I think it’s fine to spend some “alone time” with them as long as your parents know and you’re not acting immoral (obviously). Of course, don’t do it all the time… I don’t think that it’s wise to be alone for prolonged periods with any member of the opposite sex, so I think it’s a good rule for your future spouse, too. In conclusion, I do not agree with dating unless it’s with your future spouse under certain conditions. Yup, that sounds pretty strict and kind of unrealistic, but that’s what I believe is pleasing to God, and that is what I will pursue when God decides to bring that “someone” into my life.