DISCLAIMER: The purpose of this post is to address all the ladies out there as a whole in order to discuss a very important issue I’ve been pondering. I understand that in many circumstances it would not be very appropriate to talk about these things with any single girl, so I have decided to open up my thoughts to you all. Please understand that I am a guy, and may very well misunderstand certain situations of yours, but try to have mercy on my lack of knowledge as far as your female minds go, and please think about what I have to say. Thanks so much.
Now as you read this post, please understand that I do not think guys are better than girls. I am focusing on a weakness many of you girls have, but I do not want to give the impression that you are the only ones with problems. Honestly, we guys don’t have much to say for ourselves. We have continually shown terrible examples of godly manhood, and have not protected or honored you as we should. Manhood seems to be more lost in this generation than ever before. I encourage every man reading to accept the true, Biblical definition of what a man should be, and to act on that in their everyday lives. Treat the ladies in your life like princesses of the Most High God, not like pieces of meat to chase down for selfish enjoyment! Don’t be a predator, be a protector! God tells us to honor our sisters and mothers in Christ, and that’s exactly what we should do.
What’s This All About?
With that being said, I think it’s time to talk about you girls. In case you’re wondering, this post will be focused on modesty. Don’t leave just yet! I know that word probably isn’t very attractive to most of you, but that’s why I’m bringing it up. As a Christian guy, I believe that modesty is very important, and I also believe that it’s being lost more in today’s culture then it has been in hundreds of years. Girls are forgetting how much of an influence their attire can make on everyone watching them, and many are ignoring the importance of a humble heart devoted to God. This post is meant to encourage every girl reading to live a life not focused on personal attractiveness, but on obedience and abandonment to Christ.
Shorty Shorts and Tight Jeans
First of all, what is up with the shorty shorts? It seems that about 87% of females during normal weather conditions will choose “shorts” barely long enough to be anything more than a new style of underwear. Seriously, it’s getting weird! I honestly don’t understand what attracts you girls to these tiny little things some might consider to be clothing. As a guy, I just don’t see how you would think it’s comfortable or even attractive. Yes, some guys might think, “She’s so hot! I can see her entire leg without having to go to the beach!” But do you want to attract these kinds of guys? All they care about is how much skin they can see, not you as a person. Yes, I understand that as believers in Christ, it is our responsibility as guys to avert our eyes from distracting clothing, but for you girls, it is your responsibility to not be wearing that distracting clothing. It goes both ways.
Even in cool weather, many girls nowadays wear very tight and revealing outfits. These include super tight jeans, some of which have pre-made holes in them. Again, I don’t understand these fashion statements. It must be driving you nuts to wear jean-material spandex constantly. And why the pre-made holes? You’ll pay more money to buy jeans in worse condition than normal ones? That just doesn’t make sense. Like I said before, the only possible reason I can see that you might choose to wear these strange clothes is to attract the guys who would think, “She’s sexy! I can see so much of her body!” But again, why would you want to do that? Those guys don’t care about you. It’s sad, but all they really care about is your body. They’ll only gravitate toward you while you’re wearing revealing clothing. Don’t let guys treat you like this! It’s disgusting, and as a human being made in God’s image, you deserve better.
Why So Immodest?
While I understand that many of you probably don’t realize that you dress immodestly, I’m fairly certain that some of you do. If that’s you, then please think about why you dress immodestly. Have you thought about your motives? For example, some girls feel like they need to show off their body to be appreciated. That’s not right, and it’s certainly not true either. I’ve been around girls who I can tell feel insecure with their appearance, and they try to cover up their true self with makeup, revealing clothes, and fake attitudes. I feel so sorry for these girls. If they would just be themselves, I think they would feel so much better. God doesn’t want us to hide or change ourselves; He just wants us to enjoy what He gave us. If you’re not the prettiest girl around, there’s nothing wrong with that. You don’t need to change that. That’s not your responsibility; your responsibility is to use what God gave you for His glory. If you’re not a very attractive girl, God made you like that for a reason. I know that sounds hard to believe, but it’s true. I have Asthma, which means I can’t participate in a lot of sports that most guys can. God gave me that for a reason. Maybe sports would’ve distracted me from serving my Lord. Maybe I would’ve gotten caught up in pride. I don’t know what God’s reasons are, but I know that He has a plan for me that will come out for the best. That’s how He made everyone. Everyone has their purpose. Maybe God made you not as pretty so you wouldn’t become prideful in your looks. Maybe He made you like this so you can encourage other girls to accept their appearance. Whatever the reason, if God made you less pretty than most girls, you can use that to further His kingdom, and you don’t need to shamefully cover it up.
Maybe your motive for dressing immodestly is different. Some girls try to attract guys with their attire for selfish reasons. They enjoy the attention they get from guys who like their body, so they show themselves off all the more and manipulate the guys around them. If this sounds like you, then I have some bad news. Having that kind of attitude is mimicking the adulteress in Proverbs. She is described as the one “who forsakes the companion of her youth and forgets the covenant of her God.” In other words, she turns her back on her friends and forgets her commitment to God. This is what you do when you wear revealing clothes for seductive reasons.
“For the lips of a forbidden woman drip honey, and her speech is smoother than oil, but in the end she is bitter as wormwood, sharp as a two-edged sword.” – Proverbs 5:3-4
“Like a gold ring in a pig’s snout is a beautiful woman without discretion.” – Proverbs 11:22
Now, please don’t take offence to what I’ve said here. If you dress like this, I’m only trying to help you realize how you’re affecting those around you. I know some really nice girls who happen to wear shorty shorts or tight jeans at times. I also realize that some of you honestly don’t know what you’re doing, but I would like to help you in your walk with Christ by letting you know what kind of an impact this has on us guys. You have NO IDEA how much of a help it would be to some of us guys if you simply covered your body (both below and on top). I strive every day to see you girls as Jesus would see you, but I find that to be much harder when you wear revealing clothing. I dread having a conversation with an immodestly dressed girl, because I hate having to avert my eyes in my battle against temptation while answering a normal question or talking about what happened that day. I personally don’t struggle as much with the shorty shorts, but I do struggle with the low dresses and tight shirts. You may see yourself as just dressing in those styles to be pretty, and you may think there’s nothing wrong with that, but when you wear those outfits I see you as a stumbling block I must always watch out for. I hate having to say that, because I know that some of you don’t realize you’re doing it, but I can’t stand to see so many of you like this. I want you to know what will help your brothers in Christ, and it seems that the only way for me to do that is to tell you.
Modesty is Beautiful
If you’re thinking about changing your wardrobe for God’s glory, please don’t feel like you’re sacrificing beauty for modesty, because I don’t see it that way at all. This is coming from a normal Christian guy. I’m honestly much more attracted to girls who always wear dresses or modest pants than girls who dress in shorty shorts or revealing shirts. Give me a choice between one of those farm girls with unusually long hair and a supermodel, and I’d pick the farm girl in a heartbeat. I am a guy who is striving to follow the Lord, and I can tell you from personal experience that your modesty is attractive! Before God got a hold on my life, I would have said the opposite, but now I find myself more drawn to the girls in my life who are modest. Of course, as you probably know from my “Love Unawakened” series, I am not pursuing a romantic relationship until God’s specific timing is shown. I’m just saying that my personal taste for beauty has changed from how sexy a girl is to how modest, humble, and godly a girl is. Don’t get me wrong, I know I’m still human; but I’ve been radically changed in the past year (as of this writing). I might have wrong feelings for a “hot” girl every once and a while, but most of the time I allow the Lord to take control of those attractions. It feels so good when God takes my sinful desires, destroys them, and gives me a love for His Spirit within others. It’s truly an incredible experience. Sometimes I can’t tell if a girl loves God or not, but I can almost always tell if they are humble by their attitude as well as how they dress, and those are the girls who attract me.
The Good Old Days
Just a few years ago, almost nobody wore shorty shorts or tight jeans, and guess what? Girls found breathable clothing for hot weather, didn’t they? (Please correct me if I’m wrong) They didn’t have problems getting heat strokes in the sun (in fact, some probably got less sunburn). They naturally picked longer shorts or looser pants, and guys weren’t inclined to look at their backsides as much. I miss those days. Now, those dreaded shorts and jeans are everywhere. Even at my homeschool co-op, there’s a good majority of girls who wear those styles. It’s like a huge wave of peer pressure for girls to be more “sexy,” and even young girls who have no clue are being affected by it. It’s sad! I’ve seen tiny little girls dressed in pairs of shorty shorts. That means that the parents buy their kids these clothes too, and the children can’t help it! They’re being taught through actions that more skin showing is better, and this is an outright lie! As older sisters, as influences in this world, and as ambassadors for Christ, please dress modestly! You can make a difference! If you dress modestly already, thank you so much! You are shining God’s light through that aspect of your lifestyle, and it’s such a help to the Christian guys around you! If you didn’t realize that you dress immodestly, it’s not too late to change what you wear. If you know you dress in order to look hot, it’s not too late for you either! God forgives and helps us through our sin, and that means you can make a difference as well! You can be the odd girl who never dresses in the latest styles like she used too, and through that, God will use you to change others. It’s incredible what God will do with an obedient servant. Believe me, it’s so worth it to just step out in faith and obey.
You might be wondering, “How exactly DO I dress modestly? Everyone has different standards, right? How do I find a nice style that God approves of?” Well, it’s true that everyone has different standards, but that doesn’t mean everyone’s standards are good. Some Christian girls are fine with low dresses and shorty shorts, but that doesn’t mean those things are pleasing to God.
“Likewise also that women should adorn themselves in respectable apparel, with modesty and self-control, not with braided hair and gold or pearls or costly attire, but with what is proper for women who profess godliness—with good works.” – 1 Timothy 2:9-10
These verses clearly state that women should “adorn themselves in respectable apparel.” If you feel convicted that some of your clothes are not modest and respectable apparel, then I think it’d be a good idea to stop wearing them. The next part says that women should not wear braids, gold, or costly attire. Now, this doesn’t necessarily mean that jewelry is evil. All it means is that you shouldn’t be wearing anything expensive or artsy that makes you proud. If you choose big flashy earrings that make you self-conscious about how “hot” you look, then stop wearing them. They are clearly a stumbling block for you. If you wear earrings because they look nice, and if you aren’t drawn from God in any way because of them, then I think it’s fine to wear them. Anything that would spiritually hinder you or anyone around you is not acceptable, but an innocent little feature here and there in your style is not wrong. For example, with most girls, wearing shirts with flowers on them is not drawing too much attention to their body. It’s just a nice little picture of a flower, and it usually doesn’t do any harm (unless it makes you prideful). On the other hand, a pair of tight shorty shorts with bright laced patterns or messages on the back would not be a God-honoring thing to wear. It might make you to think of yourself more highly than you should, or it could cause the guys around you to sin. An article of clothing like that just isn’t a good thing to put on your body. Dress in what you know is acceptable to the Lord and won’t distract those around you.
Now let’s look at the last part of those verses. “…but with what is proper for women who profess godliness—with good works.” What does this mean? Well, it’s simply saying that your focus should not be on how much expensive clothing you can put on yourself; it should be on what you can be doing for your King. Don’t spend your time trying to find cute outfits, spend your time trying to find opportunities to be a light for God. If you need to do some adjusting to what you wear, then do it and move on. Work on your spiritual life first and foremost, and don’t get caught up in the vain pursuit of attractive apparel. Serving God is SO much more important than clothing.
How Far is Too Far?
And yet again, we come face to face with this question. How far is too far? Well, there’s a problem with that question. You see, it’s not the right one to be asking. We shouldn’t want to be as selfish as we can without breaking the sin barrier. That shows that we have the wrong motive. We should be headed in the other direction entirely. We ask God how far we can go toward the edge of the cliff without falling off, and He tells us to turn around. We’re so attracted to this pathetic cliff, while He’s trying to tell us how amazing the other way is! And believe me, it’s definitely amazing. When I decide to stop dwelling on how much I can get away with and start focusing on following God to the best of my ability, the temptation to run toward the edge of the cliff disappears.
How to Start
If you know what you need to change in your wardrobe, just do it! Start getting rid of the clothes you know are not modest and start wearing the clothes you know are ok. If you don’t know exactly what you need to change in your style, my advice to you would be to talk to other girls who you know are truly living for God in their daily lives. Get their advice about what types of clothing are appropriate, and start making some adjustments to your everyday appearance. Finally, check your personal motives and feelings for everything you wear. If something is modest, but still makes you feel prideful, then it’s not worth keeping around. It’ll only make things harder. It’s ok to wear nice-looking clothes, but choose the stuff that doesn’t spiritually damage your audience or yourself in any way. There’s a big difference between dressing attractively and dressing to attract.
I hope this post has brought to light just how important modesty is. It’s not just a nice little quality for goody-two-shoes girls, and it doesn’t just apply to certain people. It’s a very important thing for everyone to have (even guys, but girls seems to struggle with it a lot more). It’s not something extreme or optional; it’s necessary and mandatory for us as Christians. It’s what marks a humble spirit and a responsible attitude. And most importantly, it’s what pleases the Lord. Please do yourself and everyone else around you a favor, and dress modestly for the glory of Jesus Christ.
“Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear— but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious.” – 1 Peter 3:3-4
“Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.” – Proverbs 31:30