Love Unawakened 3 (Objection!)

Holding HandsIn this post I will be addressing an objection that I’ve seen used against the idea of waiting for love. My understanding of the Godly way to approach marital love is quite strict, and is considered ridiculous and absurd to about 97% or more people in this country. I believe in things such as not pursuing love before God gives me a clear sign. I believe that we should let God do the choosing when it comes to a wife or husband. There are other things too, and you can read “Love Unawakened” and “Love Unawakened 2” for more information. Now, on to the objection to this radical version of love in today’s world that I, and a few others, have chosen to pursue.

Is Dating A Way To Find Your Future Spouse?

I’ve heard before that dating is just a way of finding your future husband or wife. Of course, we must first define “dating.” In this case, dating refers to having a boyfriend/girlfriend (or “liking” someone who “likes” you too) and being with them to some degree. Of course, there are many different scenario possibilities in this region. The situation could be anything from two people who just like each other and have a conversation now and then, to a couple that’s very close without their parent’s permission and partakes in long un-monitored time spans alone. There’s a large field of options here, so I’m just going to try to answer the main idea of dating being “a way to find a spouse.”

Imagine what if would be like if that girl you want to date ended up being your wife? Wouldn’t that be great? Wouldn’t you feel proud that you dated her? On the other hand, what if you date her, and then realize that God didn’t intend for you to marry her? You’d have to end the relationship. You would feel horrible! You’d be weighed down with the burden of knowing that you gave someone else your affection and love before your true wife. You’d feel like you were cheating on your wife because you loved someone else before her. Now, I do believe that God CAN restore our love to its max even if we fall into a wrong relationship, but it’s never good to have that burden in your past. It’s always best to make Godly decisions NOW, and not wait until later to “get right with God.” It’s always best to let God lead you to your wife or husband rather than do it your way, love someone else now, and regret it later. Besides, don’t you think God can do a better job of choosing your spouse than you?

I do not believe that dating is a way to find a spouse in the slightest. Dating has been turned into a hobby by our culture, and that’s not the way it should be! Dating is not a hobby. If you are going to spend time having a dinner together or going to a movie with someone, then I think that someone should be your spouse. I do not think God intends for us to “try out” people by dating with them in order to find our life partner. It’s so much more serious and important than that, and we degrade the system that God designed for marriage by using it. God designed us for a spouse; ONE spouse. ONE man joined with ONE woman in a life-long covenant. So why would we go out and try to find that woman or man by ourselves? God never presents dating in the Bible. He only brings up righteous marital love when the two in love are married or going to be.

“Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.” – Genesis 2:24

Notice that there is nothing that says, “And the man shall go forth and choose the girl he desires, but if he does not like his choice, may go back and try again before sealing the marriage covenant.” It says he should hold fast to his wife. All it gives room for in this man’s life is a father, a mother, and a wife. No girlfriends are included in this equation. How does this apply to practical terms? Well, how would it be if you treated every girl like a sister? That removes the possibility of finding a girlfriend, doesn’t it? It also allows you to treat them with the respect and honor that God said we should show to a sister. But we have to end up married, right? So how does that happen? We must at some point spend time with ONE person that our parents on both sides think God might have for us. Don’t worry, God will use our parents to give us answers. If they are Christians and are prayerfully convinced that God has decided this guy or girl is the one for you, then I’d say that’s a good sign, and to go on your own judgment from there. Is this person making my walk with God better or worse? Is this person the kind of person I would want to live with for the rest of my life? Are there things about this person that I wouldn’t want reflected in all my kids someday? Do I like this person for their looks, money, personality, or interests, or do I want to have them at my side because of their genuine love for the living God who made them? Am I ready to face the challenges that marriage has? Why do I want to get married; for the short happiness of it, or for the eternal benefits? For guys: “Am I ready to feed, protect, and nurture an entire family of knights and princesses for the glory of Christ right now?” For girls: “Do I want this man to lead my household until the day I die?”

As you can probably guess right now, I believe that the first person you are going to “date” (have a serious relationship with) should be your future wife or husband. If you are not sure that this person is destined to be yours after praying, asking parents Biblical advice, and considering all the important things involved in marriage, then don’t pursue them. God’s answer to whether they are the one will come. Until then, treat them like a brother or sister in Christ.

So, is dating a way to find a spouse? No. But I believe that after confirming that the “certain someone” is “the one,” dating is a way to enjoy that person and for them to enjoy you if used correctly. If you are blessed to have a person in your life that you know in 100% certainty is your future spouse, then I think it’s fine to spend some “alone time” with them as long as your parents know and you’re not acting immoral (obviously). Of course, don’t do it all the time… I don’t think that it’s wise to be alone for prolonged periods with any member of the opposite sex, so I think it’s a good rule for your future spouse, too. In conclusion, I do not agree with dating unless it’s with your future spouse under certain conditions. Yup, that sounds pretty strict and kind of unrealistic, but that’s what I believe is pleasing to God, and that is what I will pursue when God decides to bring that “someone” into my life.


  1. So, do you agree with what I’ve said? Do you disagree? If so, why? Comment with what you have to say. Any feedback, critical or positive, is very helpful. Thanks!


  2. I agree with most of everything you said. I’ve always been taught that having a boyfriend or girlfriend isn’t exactly the ‘right’ thing to do. And I can relate to the statement that people don’t even have to date to find the perfect someone for their life. I have only had my aunt and my uncle married, and in both of those marriages, nobody dated each other. My uncle went to God, and when God showed him, he asked her. My aunt was asked, and she went to God, and in 2 weeks God answered her, and she said “Yes.” And I think that dating nowadays has seriously become just a “fishing” thing. I think that before it used to be special to go out on a date, but now it has a whole *other* meaning. It’s so weird, but yet true… this girl at school did a speech about how high school relationships affect a teen’s lives, and it’s ridiculous of how much it’s actually true! I’m so glad that at least someone actually agrees about this topic.


  3. I agree with you Luke. 100%. I’m not allowed to date. I’m going to share this post with all of my friends. You did an awesome job. Keep up the good work.


  4. Luke, I admire you for holding yourself to a high standard in the pursuit of finding a spouse someday. God will honor that. I chose to go the dating route and I would say it can be done well or not so well depending on how you go about it and why you are dating that person (like you said). Personally, I don’t see anything wrong with dating someone if you THINK you would consider them for marriage. Sometimes we might think we know who our future spouse is and date them, only to find out that they would not choose us or that we have seen new things about them that we do not desire (and God does not desire) for us to have in our spouse. My only concern with your view would be that you SO STRONGLY desire to only date one girl (your future wife). Well, what if you think you found her but you saw some things later on that were not good? Would you be willing to “break up” or would you move forward and marry her anyway because you wouldn’t want to “be weighed down with the burden of knowing that you gave someone else your affection and love before your true wife.” Something serious to think about…


    • I agree that we might make a mistake if we chose our one and only future spouse. That’s why we don’t choose, God does. The way I believe this happens is by 1.Prayer. Praying consistently to God for an answer to “Is this is one for me?”. 2.Our examination of the person. Are they really sold out for God? You can tell by their fruits. Are they sheep or wolves? If you are past the casual friend stage with them(which you should be if you’re considering marriage), you will see what they are like without their “public face” on. 3.Telling EVERYTHING about the situation to God and your parents. Your parents can pray for you, and as I said, God will use your parents to give answers in some cases. They will give you an outsider’s perspective on it as well. 4.In the midst of this, we must make sure to not get too close to them. If one of our observations or precautions removes them from the possibilities list, then it will be harder to not choose them if we build affection up. 5.I believe that if we really take this “choosing a wife” thing to be as serious as it is, there will be no problems after we’ve “chosen”. If there are, then we were careless in some part of the choosing process. God’s way can never fail. Ours can, but with God’s help, we don’t have to fail.


    • For your number 3, I just wanted to add also that your pastor in church does a great deal in participation of helping you out with who God chose for you.


  5. Excellent post, Luke! It’s to bad that people want to run before they can walk. I personally don’t think dating is such a good idea. The couple is often alone much of the time and temptation is a lot more imminent. Now don’t think I’m trying to offend anybody here. I’m not saying that dating is necessarily wrong. I’ve known quite a few people who found their spouse through dating (my parents included). I just think it’s a little more risky than something called courtship. Courtship doesn’t involve people going out alone, especially with someone they hardly know.

    And another tip for you teens out there. If you have never seen or heard of the movie Fireproof, I would recommend that you get it and watch it. It definitely shows what love is and what love isn’t.


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